Hello female celebrity! This is the blog post you’ve been waiting for, the one that tells you how to disable automatic image synchronization with the cloud. That way, those selfies you shoot in the mirror and all your other nekkid pictures won’t end up on the Internet for the next Fappening.

Lamentably, because you’re a trendy celebrity, you probably have an iPhone. I can’t help you. If you had an Android, then I’d recommend you follow my advice to disable automatic backup of your compromising pictures and videos to the cloud.

The first location to check is your Google account’s regular backup and sync settings:

1. Open your Android device’s Settings app.
2. In the Accounts area, choose Google.
3. Choose your Google account, your Gmail address.
4. Remove the checkmark by Google Photos to disable automatic backup and synchronization.
5. Remove the checkmark by Google+ Photos.

With the Photos items un-checked, your images and videos are no longer backed up. If you’re taking those “here are my boobs” shots, then that’s a good thing. I keep my photos backed up because I don’t take pictures of myself naked. The world is very grateful for my decision.

In addition to your Google account, check other accounts as well. In some cases, you have to go into the app itself to disable photo backup.

For example, I have the Dropbox app echo all my pictures to its Internet storage. Again, I like having backups and copying some of the better pictures to my computer. If you’re a hot young female celebrity who doesn’t pay attention to her manager, and your boyfriend convinced you to take a few sexy pictures because “No one will ever find out,” then you probably want to disable that feature:

1. Open the Dropbox app.
2. Tap the Menu icon, the three vertical squares. (Officially, it’s called the Action Overflow icon.)
3. Choose Settings.
4. Choose the item Turn Off Camera Upload.

Apps similar to Dropbox also allow you to disable automatic image upload. Follow the above (or similar) steps in those apps to disable photo backup.

Your final stop in your “here are my career-ending pictures” image purge, should be the online service itself. Visit the photo-sharing web site or your cloud storage account by using a computer. Confirm that any questionable images — those that your fans would pay money to see (or not) — are gone.

I’m serious: Even for your “private” albums, the pictures are there. If the hackers get access to your account, then they also have access to a private album. Duh. Delete the images at once!

If I had some way of infusing people with common sense, I’d use it! Alas, I don’t. No one does. Generations of humans have been admonished to be upstanding, proper individuals. Efforts by men far greater than myself have failed, so I’m not going to have high hopes. Still, I’ll do what I can.

Turning off automatic image upload is a good thing. A better thing, of course, would be not to take such pictures in the first place.