Boy! You certainly must be careful when dialing the phone. There are only so many 1-800 (toll free) numbers available and a lot of them have, well, interesting services to offer.

The phone number for Adobe Customer Service is one digit off from a phone sex service. The other day I dialed up Adobe and instead of dialing an 8 I dialed an 9. This is what I heard:

Hi baby, do you want to massage my feet or suck my toes…?

I found that a wee bit unusual for Adobe Customer Service. Usually you get someone on the line with a thick Indian accent. A guy who says his name is “Mark” or a gal who is “Rebecca.”

The voice was recorded, and had the same intonation as the “We’ve recently changed our menu options, so pay attention” voice. In fact, I wasn’t really paying attention at first. (Who does?). So she had to say this before I realized my mistake:

Foot Fetish fun is only 69 cents per minute…

At that point I hung up, checked the number again, then finally was connected to Mark in Bangalore who told me that Adobe still has not processed my refund request and would I kindly resubmit it.

I didn’t bother asking if Mark wanted to participate in some foot fetish fun or even inquire as to his willingness to accept 69 cents per minute for some serious telephone giggling. I don’t believe that he would have understood.

OpenDNS Dept. A reader sent me an e-mail asking about a service called OpenDNS. Not having heard of it, I looked into it — and was delighted with what I found. OpenDNS is a web page proxy that filters out adult and other offensive web sites. By using the OpenDNS servers, you can safely surf the web without fear of being visually assaulted should you mistype a web page address. A good thing.

Un-bloat Windows Vista. Even some folks at Microsoft have admitted that Windows Vista is bloatware. To help ease the problem, software developer Dino Nuhagic has introduced vLite. What it does is to slim down Windows Vista, transforming it into something useful from its current circus Fat Man physique. Be forewarned: Using vLite is a one-way trip, it’s not user-friendly software, and I do not recommend it for the casual user.

This Net Neutrality thing is a big deal. It’s a lovely term and sounds all fuzzy and warm, but what it’s about is controlling the Internet.

Right now, the Internet is pretty open and free. That’s how it was designed. An agency more-or-less in charge of the Internet is the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, ICANN. But, like the name says, they only regulate Internet names and numbers: domains and IP addresses, that sort of thing. Net Neutrality is about more.

Big corporations, especially big media, Web giants like Yahoo and Google, and communications companies, are moving to set up a different type of Internet. They want to use the power of Government to set up a service that they can control and regulate. They fear the very nature of the Internet: its freedom. Well, specifically, the free part of freedom.As the speed of Internet access increases (bandwidth), the ability for regular folks to download free books, songs, and videos increases. According to New York Times columnist David Pogue, it’s becoming more acceptable — especially for younger folks —to steal copyrighted material on-line. The next generation may not even harbor a moral concept of intellectual property rights.

For a writer like myself, someone who has no respect for my work and steals my stuff by downloading a “free” e-book is a nuisance. (And I had such a person come forth in my former on-line forums.) But imagine the impact to a big company like Time-Warner. They control a lot of the Internet’s fat pipes. Will they allow file sharing to run along unabated on the Internet while they stand to lose billions of dollars?

That, my friends, is what Net Neutrality is all about.

Relevant Links Dept. Here are the links for ICANN, David Pogue’s column on file sharing, and a cool link to Hands Off the Internet.

This Very Dept. I’m working on a way for you to add comments to my stories. It’s going to take some doing, as I’m going to have to modify existing software to get just what I want. So be patient!

The high tech flag was flown at half mast this past Monday. I snapped on the TV at 6:00 to check the weather (7º that morning!) and suddenly the image went fuzzy. The cable service went out.

For the entire day I endured with no television and no high speed Internet. It was weird, like some post-apocalyptic silent desert. Or you could say it was like the 1940s. The ironic thing is that I got a ton of work done! Seriously! I accomplished more before 2:00 than I do in a typical day all day. I even cleaned the toilets!

It got me to thinking whether or not the Internet was truly necessary. I believe it can be argued that the Internet is not vital to the survival of mankind. Civilization today, perhaps, may rely upon the Internet. But its absence, at least in my case, was survivable and met with considerable productivity.

Naturally, I forgot all my philosophical musing and returned to my less-than-productive self once the cable system came back up around 3:30 that afternoon. Still, it made me wonder — and you may too. The big issue is called Net Neutrality and I’ll be writing more about that on Monday.

Wambooli Updates Dept. I’ve added a new feature to my Fun Department. It’s a review of some of the humorous images that have graced the pages of my Word For Dummies book over the past dozen or so years. Check it out.

Windows Dept. Windows Vista SP1 is supposed to be foisted upon us on February 15. Maybe. I assume that it will be automatically downloaded to Windows Vista users who have Automatic Updates set.

Total Nerd Tip. If you have a Sony television, turn it to channel 777.

Last issue I discussed various options for naming files, specifically ways to separate words in the filename. While you can use a space, it might not be the best choice. As an alternative, most people use an underline, though I often use the hyphen instead. A third alternative is to use periods.

For example, I recently had a series of graphics images I created. Here is how I named them:

red.left.jpg
red.right.jpg
green.left.jpg
green.right.jpg
blue.left.jpg
blue.right.jpg

Six files. Six different images. The filename is organized by image color, then image position. A period separates the image name from the position name (and finally from the file type, a jpeg image). So to grab all the images of one color, I can specify this wildcard:

red.*.jpg

Or to get all the “left” images, I can use this wildcard:

*.left.jpg

Now the * wildcards don’t work in every application. In fact, they only come in handy when manipulating files using the command line. (And I’ll talk more about the command line in the future.) But simply for the visual benefits, properly naming a file can help you keep your stuff organized. And being organized is a real plus to getting the most from your computer.

Windows News. Microsoft is saying that the next version of Windows is coming. Code named Windows 7, the new operating system is slated for release in the second half of 2009. Traditionally that would translate into January, 2010. No cute code name for Windows 7 yet; if you recall, Windows Vista was originally known as Windows Longhorn.

Wambooli Updates. I’ve completed the conversion of my old Stacker book into electronic format. It was a labor of love as the issue of disk compression is compelling only if you time travel back to the era of Disk Capacity Shortage in the early 1990s. Still, Chapter 1 offers some insightful information on the basic concepts of disk information storage, including clusters, sectors, tracks, cylinders, and so on.

Spaces? Underlines? Hyphens? Periods? Mixed Case? So many choices!

I’m speaking about filenames, of course. Folks new to computers don’t think about these things today, but in days gone by naming a file was an 8-dot-3 ordeal. That 8-dot-3 thing was the old DOS (and Windows) filename format: only 8 characters for the name, plus a dot and optional three character extension. Naming files was hell.

filename.hll

Today you have lots of room to name files; over 200 characters for a filename alone. Extensions can be 3, 4 or more characters. Yes, you can use spaces in a filename, which was pretty much unhead of years back. But spaces aren’t always kosher. There are still instances where typing a filename with a space causes the operating system and other programs to puke.

The solution, of course, is not to use spaces. I find myself avoiding them. (For some reason I keep using the terminal window; spaces at the command prompt present special problems.) In their stead I use one of three alternatives:

The underline. This is the most common replacement for the space, even recommended in some computer books. It works, too: file name becomes file_name, which still carries a similar look. The problem with the underline, however, is that it nearly disappears when the name becomes a link: file_name.

The hyphen. My first choice for replacing a space in a filename is the hyphen. It’s easy to type and it serves a similar visual purpose as the underline: file name becomes file-name. The hyphen is especially useful to me when writing dates in filenames: 1-21-08. Remember that the filename 1/21/09 is illegal because the / (slash) is a pathname separator.

The period. A choice I enjoy playing with is the period. Using a period is tricky, however, because periods traditionally separate the filename from the extension. It’s that extension that the operating system uses to identify the file type — so you have to be careful!

Next issue, I’ll show you some benefits to using such symbols to organize your files.

You’ve seen it. You’ve probably puzzled over it. My hat’s off to you if you actually use it. What is it? It’s RSS. You see its icon below, as well as on the right column on the Wambooli home page.

RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication. Or it could stand for RDF Site Summary, which is far more difficult to remember (so it’s probably the official term).

What RSS does is to let you quickly check for updates to your favorite web pages. Most blogs and news sites feature RSS feeds. Wambooli has one as well, which you can access from the main page (or the above graphic).

In Internet Explorer, you can view your RSS subscriptions by clicking the star icon (IE version 7.0). Then click the Feeds button. There you’ll see the sites you’re subscribing to. Click one and you can view a custom screen where you can check in on updates.

Sadly, RSS is taking a while to catch on. I even forget that I have the feature, so I got on opening my favorite links to check for updates. But if I remember, I’ll be sure to check the RSS feeds for new stuff. You should, too!

Shocking Laptop Dept. It was true once that the price of a laptop alone would shock you. Apparently that’s not all that’s shocking about some Dell laptops.

Darwin Dept. The 2007 Darwin Awards have been announced. Read about some true morons who have successfully lifted themselves from the human gene pool.

This is MacWorld week in San Francisco. I consider it to be the only remaining, great computer expo on the planet.

MacWorld today rivals some of the fun and thrill of the early days, back when San Francisco was host to the West Coast Computer Fair. It was at the Fair that Jobs and Woziniak introduced the original Apple computer back in the 1970s.

I attended one of the last West Coast Compuer Fairs, probably in 1990 or so. I met quite a few enthusiasts, several programmers I had deep respect for, and one of my personal heros, Jerry Pournelle. But even then the general interest for computers was fading; well before the dawn of the Internet, the computer was rapidly becoming an office commodity about as interesting as a typewriter.

I’m glad to see the enthusiasm and support for Apple at MacWorld. But MacWorld is more than just a computer show. Steve Jobs, in his much-anticipated “One More Thing” event, introduced a new way to rent movies, new features for the iPhone, plus the new ultra-thin MacBook Air. Computers are now merely a spoke on the wheel of consumer electroncis. Apple knows that. Good for them!

Relevant MacWorld Links Dept. Here we go: Information Week. MacBook Air. General MacWorld chaos and delight from C|Net.

More Keybords Dept. Last week I wrote about the 10 Worst Keyboards article. Now here comes the 10 Strangest Computer Keyboards article. This includes some real oddballs as well as the keyboard that everyone is lusting for: the Optimus Maximus.

Welcome to the digital desert. The information ice age. The great throwback. For all our advances and conveniences, we’re losing a bit of what makes us human. More so, we’re losing touch with an era we still reference, but which most of those under 30 have no clue about.

For example, consider the term clockwise. What is that? A digital clock spins in no partiular direction. Last time I checked, they still had analog clocks in the schools. Perhaps that’s a good think; let’s resist any trend the Schools might have converting to digital.

How about dialing a phone? I collect dial phones. I have one plugged in just for kicks. It works, but it’s a pain. Still, think of the irony of “dialing” a cell phone. Worse, how does one “hang up” a cell phone? Yet the terms persist.

Another one: rolling a car window up or down. Yeah, junior’s first car may not have automatic windows. There will be a little crank there, which he has to twist to make the window go up or down. Even so, today when I’m out driving and I tell the kids to “roll up” their windows, they do know what to do. They just aren’t aware of how the term came about.

Still, maybe things aren’t so bad, after all. Everyone uses oddball terms from centuries past: crossing the threashold comes to mind as does a carbon copy in e-mail. The spot above a car’s tire is called a fender, though it’s really not a fender any more. And the keys on your computer keyboard are staggered in the same pattern that allowed for a typewriter’s leavers not to jam.

Oh Noes Dept. The British school system is being told by its owners not to upgrade to Windows Vista or Office 2007 or both! No way! Don’t do it! What a great advertisement that is. For me, any time the government says not to do something then, by golly, I want to do it! And the decision is silly, too: it means the schools will, once again, lag behind the technology curve. Oh no!

Banned for Life Dept. Beware the bloggers! Or so the saying went during last week’s Comsumer Electronics Show. Actually, the show’s vendors called them bloggies, but that didn’t help a so-called blogger from the website Gizmodo. Using an aptly-named device called TV-B-Gone, the bloggie had some fun turning off a wall of LCD televisions. Ha-ha. But the jokes on the bloggie as he’s been banned for life from future CES expositions.

Sometimes I enjoy a program’s feature. Sometimes it can be a true pain in the rump. Take Word’s AutoCorrect and AutoFormat features. Please!

AutoCorrect and AutoFormat can be very handy. The do sensible things like fix typos, capitalize the first word of sentences, and things like “I” or a superscript th for 4^th — that kind of stuff. But they can also be a royal pain.

For example, unless you tame it, AutoFormat will do things like automatic rules (lines across the page), headings, bullet lists, and other things you may not want. A key annoyance I have, for example, is that AutoFormat automatically converts a typed Web page address into a clickable URL. I don’t want that!

The key is to turn off the features that annoy you. From older versions of Word, choose Tools>AutoCorrect. In Word 2007, choose Word Options from the Office Button menu, then choose Proofing, and finally click the AutoCorrect Options button. For any version of Word, you’ll see the AutoCorrect dialog box displayed.

In the AutoCorrect dialog box, review the settings in the AutoCorrect and AutoFormat As You Type tabs. Those two locations are where the most potentially offensive options are found. For example, in the AutoFormat As You Type tab is where I find the “Internet and network paths with hyperlinks” options. Uncheck those options that offend you. Click OK. You’re free. Well, at least for that problem.

Terrible Keyboards Dept. I’m a keyboard aficionado. I enjoy using a good computer keyboard. I detest using a sucky one. So, obviously, I read with relish this PC World feature on the 10 Worst PC Keyboards of All Time.

Twice this week I’ve gotten e-mail from Windows 98 users. They have this or that problem. Blah-blah-blah . . .

Well, of course you have problems! Windows 98 is now over ten years old! It’s an antique! The computers that run Windows 98 are at least 8 years old themselves. That’s an eon in computer terms.

First, congratulations are in order. If you have a PC that still runs Windows 98, then it’s one amazing piece of technology. I replace my PC once every 4 or 6 years. After that, computers not only start to die but:

Second, you won’t find any new software or hardware that runs on your old PC. Need a new hard drive? Good luck finding an old IDE drive. Perhaps on eBay, but not at any retail outlet or on-line computer store. And software? The stuff today requires Windows XP minimum. Sure, there are older Windows 98 compatible programs out there, but:

Third, no one supports Windows 98 any more. Microsoft dropped support a long time ago. You can still search the Microsoft Knowledgebase, but don’t expect any phone support. That means whatever ails your Windows 98 PC is what will probably kill it.

My advice is to buy a replacement PC. Buy one now, before you lose more than your data. Your sanity is at stake!

This Week’s Event Dept. This week is the annual Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas. Lots of new gizmos being announced or just hitting the market. It reminds me of the early day sof COMDEX, the big computer expo that’s still there but no longer as relevant. Read about the latest gizmos from CES on my favorite gizmo web site, Gizmodo.

Video Moment Dept. You might have already seen this Bill Gates video. It’s making the rounds on the e-mail circuit. This is a ficticious video of Bill Gates’ upcoming “Last Day at Microsoft.” Just gander at the celebrities and politicians who made guest shots. Golly!