They’re starting to appear. They’re unexpected. They’re revolutionary, which is surprising because they’re not from Apple, Not yet, anyway.

I’m writing about the smartwatch, of course. You probably knew that when you read the title. And you probably know a good rant is coming, so save yourself some time and move on to Ebaumsworld where you can waste time in a more effective way.

Still here?

Good. I love a rant, and this one has been brewing for some time.

The Smartwatch seems cool, I confess. Especially when you view this commercial:

Based on the commercial, obviously there is some kind of cultural subconscious that demands we have wrist-ready communications. I don’t know whether it was Dick Tracy that spawned the notion, or perhaps some prehistoric desire to talk at the back of one’s hand. It doesn’t matter! The smartwatch is destined to be the fashion accessory of the 2010s.

Or is it?

My guess is no. For now. That’s for a number of reasons.

First, I wrote “fashion accessory” above. Look at that video again, the last part where the female model is wearing a Samsung smartwatch. Doesn’t it look big and stupid? (The watch.) That’s not fashionable. People don’t like wearing bulky things. They want something slim, cool and, yes, fashionable.

If Apple introduces a smartwatch, it won’t look like phylactery or one of those “I’m under house arrest” ankle cuffs. It should be something you want to be seen wearing. Samsung (and Google) are apparently prioritizing function over form.

Second, you can’t just repurpose a smartphone into a watch. A smartphone has its purpose. True, the line between smartphone and tablet has been blurred; the new phablets like the Galaxy Note III are merging the categories. But the purpose of a smartwatch shouldn’t be to put a full-blown smartphone into a smaller case.

Third, the smartwatch must be unique. It must offer the kind of services you need on your wrist, not in the palm. My advice would be that the Smartwatch be entirely voice activated, all audio I/O. You talk to it, it talks back. No screen!

If the manufacturers can appreciate how unique and useful a smartwatch could be, then maybe they’re onto something. Samsung is kind of forcing itself into this technological realm, probably to prove that they’re just as smart as Apple.

They’re not.

Samsung generally forges ahead with a new technology, but it takes them a few generations to hone it down. For example, the Galaxy Tab 3 is far superior to the first Galaxy Tab. That original Tab was not competition for the iPad: It was thick and bulky. The Galaxy Tab 3 has a better design and feel. It is competition for the iPad. Will Samsung do the same thing with the smartwatch? Or will Apple beat them to the punch?

It’s going to be fun to observe how the samrtwatch develops.