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June 25, 2010

How To Tell If You’re In a Video Game

Filed under: Main — admin @ 12:01 am

Here are a dozen things to note for those times when you seriously question reality and begin to wonder whether or not you’re playing a combat-type first person shooter video game.

1. You don’t get hungry and you never have to go to the bathroom.

2. You don’t talk, you are unable to talk, and it doesn’t seem to bother anyone else.

3. You’re able to carry multiple weapons and loads of ammunition, yet you don’t grow fatigued unless (maybe) you run.

4. There are weapons, vehicles, ammunition, and health packages just about everywhere you go.

5. Guns aren’t loud, there is no smell when you shoot them, and they don’t get hot. You seem to be able to handle just about any weapon deftly. Bullets defy gravity and the wind. There is a cross hair that magically floats in the air in front of you and it tells you exactly where you’re shooting.

6. You know how to fly helicopters and operate other technical vehicles that often require months of training.

7. Using a health package (or two) instantly transforms your bullet-ridden, explosive-damaged body to perfectly working condition in less than an instant.

8. If you’re with someone else or a team of people, then you’re the one expected to do all the work. Your team members goad you to do the heavy lifting, and they stand by idly or make only feigning attempts to help you while you’re under attack.

9. Unless you move forward, 200 enemies will come out of that closet. When you finally do move forward you’ll see that the closet is a small, confined space with no other entry point.

10. Shooting up a building full of bad guys, using grenades and rocket launchers, doesn’t seem to alert all the other bad guys on patrol just a few feet away.

11. For some reason, there are lots barrels and boxes laying around that violently explode when you shoot them. They seem to serve no purpose other than to explode, and they are stored without regard to any safety concerns. In fact, many of the bad guys often “hide” behind the explosive props.

12. You come back to life after you get killed, ready to go do the same stupid thing that got you killed in the first place.

2 Comments

  1. After reading no. 11. I’m convinced you’ve played the Half-Life 2 series, there are literally dozens of barrels of fuel in every room on the map.

    Comment by gamerguy473 — June 25, 2010 @ 10:33 am

  2. Yes, Half-Life, but also I recently started Bad Company. They have explosive barrels and crates, which are all conveniently placed by the bad guys. Always. They explode a lot better than the blowy-up things in Half Life.

    Comment by admin — June 25, 2010 @ 10:38 am

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