OCTOBER 28, 2000
MR. GOOKIN:
I am in receipt of your response to my e mail of October 13, 2000, telling you how useless I find your book.
Great! Either it took you two weeks to read that single letter or two weeks to figure out how to retrieve e-mail from your ISP. Either way, my book must have helped somewhat. Is English your first language?
It is not only not helpful to anyone trying to operate a computer, but it is a very unsuccessful attempt at humorous writing. If I wish to be amused by a book I will buy a book intended for that purpose, such as any book by George Carlin.
Well, any of the three he's written.
I bought your book to use to help me operate my computer and it has been no help at all...
Take it back. Get a refund. REEEE-FUND. Get your money back. Or, if it gives you more pleasure, attempt to burn the book. It is slightly fire-resistant, so I suggest some type of accelerant, i.e., lighter fluid.
...likewise your e mail to me.
I was only trying to be helpful. I could have been rude and ignored your request. I sometimes feel like ignoring questions from people who buy bonehead nonstandard computers with "internet buttons" on the keyboard. Those toys are usually sold in places like Sams Club, Costco, or Office Max, where people think they're getting "deals" but wind up getting screwed for lack of support. Still, I answer the questions and try to help. If you and your friend got together and started writing me more hate mail, I'd stop answering all my e-mail and trying to help others.
I do not think you have any idea how to operate a computer.
No. I'm dictating this to my pet pig, Spike, who knows how to type my drunken ramblings.
Further l believe both you and those who published your worthless book should be arrested and prosecuted for fraud.
Well, when you're elected Grand Asswipe of Boston, you can make sure that happens. Now I don't know if you're from Boston, but your e-mail was routed from the Juno server there. (My pig is telling me this as he deciphers the e-mail header.)
It would be an easy case to prosecute. I could prove your book to be worthless in 15 minutes.
Wow! That's probably more time than you give your wife for sex!
You have my money and you have successfully defrauded me
Of course, the judge could ask you why you just didn't return the book. At which point you can stick your finger in your nose and explain that the book's cover doesn't quite exactly explain how that's done.
That would take an extra 5 minutes, by the way.
and, if I am to believe what is printed on the cover, at least two million other victims have also been defrauded by you and your publisher.
Yeah, but they like my book. Call them adversarial witnesses.
I hope your shame is greater than your greed and feeling of accomplishment at having defrauded so many people.
I carry no shame nor guilt from my books. No it's more like pride, which I know is a sin but I don't presume to believe that you're concerned about my burning in the afterlife. Of course, this doesn't help your cause, so I can suggest that you just point your finger at me and tell me how fat I am.
I suspect you, as the president of the United States and her husband, have no shame. Your fraud has been very successful.
Clinton was impeached by the House; I get only you and 15 minutes in front of a judge. Give me a break!
Hopefully you will not get away with it for much longer. I surely will tell all those I know and have contact with via my daily radio just what garbage your book really is.
Thanks! I need the publicity. Are you on the radio yourself or do you just talk to it?
Remember to get the name correct: Dan Gookin. And the title: PCs for Dummies. Have your listener venture out into the various bookstores and pick up a copy for himself to see how puerile the book is.
I will do what I can to help people save their money by not buying your worthless book and frustrating themselves further as hey try to learn how to operate their computers. By informing people about your useless book I will be doing a public service.
Sounds like you're familiar with doing public service. Good for you! And thank you again for taking the time to write and entertain all my other readers who, believe it or not, actually enjoy what I write!
XXX XXXXXX
Cheers!
DAN