It's been over a year since I got any hate mail!

I must admit that this one is most puzzling to me. At first I think it's legitimate, but then I think she's most likely pulling my leg. I'll explain why at the end of the letter. Here 'tis:

I have been using computers and computer programs since sales reps starting convincing companies that they needed some proprietary program 25 years ago. I started at the start. The first program was a data entry program for a stationary wholesaler. Then there was a program for insurance agents, then a program for real estate agents, then a program for mortgage brokers, then a program for retail order entry, then a program for credit checking, then a program for skip tracing, then a program for stockbrokers, etc. I have been pecking away on keyboards for a while. A year ago I bought my first computer. I got a Dell system wth the XP program. I bought your book PC's for Dummies (8th edition). The retail clerk recommended that I not buy your book but I didn't listen. Richard, my neighbor who lives on my floor, recommended that I not buy your book but I didn't listen.

In the last year I have spent at least 2 hours per day on the computer. Not ONCE has your book answered a simple question of mine. No, I am not exaggerating. Richard, the gentleman who lives on my floor and helps me from time to time offered to give me his copy of your book because it has no value to him. Your book has a perfect record with both of us. It has no value. Now I know why the retail clerk recommended against me purchasing the book. I know this is of little interest to you since you are probably getting carpel tunnel syndrome from endorsing all of the royalty checks that you are getting; but you need someone to tell you that the book is a fraud and that you are a thief. And keep it mind that I am not capable of asking difficult questions. I qualify as a 'dummy' and I do not take offense at the description. Myself and your book should have been a perfect match.

Let me give you an example: For the beginner (and everyone else) there are at least 20 symbols that routinely appear on the screen. The reason they appear is that the symbol means something. It is trying to give you information. NOWHERE in your book is there a chapter or even a page on the commen symbols that appear on the screen. The word symbol(s) does not even appear in the index or the table of contents. This is astonishing in the apocaleptic variety. Never once in 20 years of reading 'how to do it' manuals have I seen symbols ignored. You are to be congratulated. You have made 'how to do it' manual publishing history. Let me give you an example: I routinely have a little box with a red x appear on my screen. I assume this symbol is pertinent and informational. But apparently it is a secret symbol because nowhere in your $21.99 book do you take time out of your busy day to tell anyone what! it means.

You will be happy to know, as all authors are happy to know, that I have read every page of your book numerous times accompanied by margin notes, yellow highlighting, and underlining, etc. And I confess you are better than me. I give up. Never once was I able to find the Easter Egg that I was looking for. You are a genius.

Since then, I have been told by virtually every computer enthuisiast here in Boston that your book is trash and a waste of time. Now I sound like them. Recently, I took a book out of the library entitled: I'm Turning On My PC, Now What? by Matthew James. In the first 10 minutes I found the answers to 4 of my questions.

In closing, I would like to say that I have nothing but admiration for you. You have managed to establish an almost-monopoly with a text that has no value and feed your family doing it. I wish I had your skills.

Dana H*****

My Thoughts

What is the motivation to write such a nasty thing? First it takes time. It takes effort.

You know, those people who really don't like my books, they return them. I see the returns on every royalty check. Sometimes thousands of copies come back from the bookstores. If Dana was truly upset, then like thousands of others she would have merely returned to the store, got her money back, then went home with something that would make her happy.

No, Dana's anger runs deep and that's obvious from the tone of this letter. Something in my work hit a note with her that rang like some primordial bell from her unhappy childhood. Notes these items:

• She's been using computers for 25 years, yet when she buys a new one, she's compelled to get a beginner's book.
• She doesn't listen. Two people tell her that she won't like the book, but she takes it and...
• She reads the entire book cover to cover, even marking it up in places.
• Boston again. The first hate e-mail I published here was also from Boston and it also used the terms "fraud" and "illegal" to refer to my book. Now I know that I have fans in Boston (like Max), but I'm seriously concerned here!

Despite reading the book cover-to-cover it never dawns on her that it is not a book specific to Windows XP. No, PCs for Dummies is a computer hardware book. Perhaps she wanted a Windows XP book, but was just too stubborn to read the Intro to PCs for Dummies?

So does she want help? An apology? An agry reply vented in crimson hues?

I was tempted to respond to her e-mail with this: