Years ago a form of identity theft happened to me.

I was working as the editor of a hometown computer magazine. Once day a woman phoned me up at the office and immediately started talking with me. It was that type of familiar dialog that friends do. That confused me, so I asked her where we had met.

“At a party,” she answered.

I had been to a party that weekend, celebrating a friend’s birthday. There were lots of people there I didn’t know. So I figured she was one of them. Then she told me that it was a birthday boy and not a birthday girl.

“I don’t think I was at that party,” I explained. “Are you sure you don’t have me confused with someone else?”

She said no. She knew me. I had given her my business card.

I often gave out my business card, not only to promote the magazine but because I spoke in public frequently. I was a D-list celebrity in town! But the woman became more and more agitated as I was unable to confirm anything that she said.

“Dan. Stop playing games with me. You know what you told me,” she said stiffly.

I don’t play games with anyone. I don’t like games. Once a girl phoned me up and said, “Hello. Guess who this is?” I replied, “I don’t know. You called me. Who are you?” She then giggled and said, “No, guess.” So I said, “I guess it’s the wrong number,” and I hung up.

Eventually the woman on the phone grew highly agitated. So I told her what most likely happened was that some jerk gave her my business card and claimed to be me. She denied that could ever possibly happen. Still, I told her that wasn’t my fault, but I was sorry that someone else had abused both of us. Then she grew verbally abusive, so I hung up.

Just in case she would phone back, I explained the call to the magazine’s publisher. He reasoned that my guess was probably correct, and he assured me that if she called back he would support my side of the story. (She never called back.)

Sure, no one bought a widescreen TV using my credit card, nor did they apply for a boat loan using my social security number. The situation did, however, give me a small taste of what identity theft must be like.

Way back when, there was the Apple II, the TRS-80 Model III, the Commodore 64, the IBM PC. These were all simple computer names. Oh, they may have had secret model numbers; the IBM PC was the Model 5150 in actuality. But everyone knew what an IBM PC was. The next system was the IBM PC/XT, followed by the IBM PC/AT. Simple.

During the 1990s, when Steve Jobs had been banished, Apple went crazy with names. There was the mysterious Quadra line: the 610 and the 800. Then other companies started using numbers for their computer names. The Tandy 1000, then the 1200, then whatever. Today things are even more stupid.

I often buy my desktops from Lenovo, once known as IBM. I have three of them in my office. I have no idea what the model numbers are because, honestly, they’re too complex to be worthy of storage in my brain cells. Whoever the marketing genius is at Lenovo who thought it would be a good idea to give their products mysterious names needs to be taken out, dipped in honey, rolled in nuts, and tossed into a Montana forest.

Consider the names: ThinkCentre, IdeaCentre. What’s the difference? Is one low-end? Is one for home and the other for business? If so, why not call them HomeCentre and BusinessCentre? The product identity is weak with those names.

IBM is not alone. Here’s Gateway’s line-up: Gateway DX Series, Gateway FX Series, Gateway One. Which is the high-end system? Which is the home system? Which is the economy system? Is there really a difference between them? Even the product descriptions fail to tell you exactly which computer is weak and which is strong. As my gamer friends would say, FAIL!

Look at HP’s line-up: Pavilion a6500z series, Pavilion a6510t series, Pavilion Slimline s3500z series, Presario SR5000 series.

I would expect such naming nonsense from the Department of Defense! “This here is our new tank, the ZR6-7100sq-950 series.”

Are these computer manufacturers really trying to sell something? What’s the point to all the weird-ass names? Is the marketing department bereft of creativity?

If I were to open Wambooli Computers, I would have a three-tiered line of PCs for sale. Here they are:

Wambooli Noob. This is the basic, entry-level PC. Designed for home use, simple operations, nothing fancy, priced economically.

Wambooli Pwnage. The high-end home system, designed for game play or anyone who wants a beefy computer to make the neighbors cry tears of jealousy. (Pwnage is pronounced “pown-age.” It’s a gaming term implying that one is dominating his opponents.)

Wambooli Suit. The business system. No frills, but powerful enough to look better on a lawyer’s desk than the Noob model. (Actually, it’s just the Noob model with a more serious-looking case.)

Why can’t the big boys do that?

Or will it?

I went to a few computer manufacturer websites with this goal in mind: configure their high-end computer system with everything desirable and possible. Go to the wall. Money is no object, but power is. I mean, they do sell those pink, diamond-encrusted laptops for the money-is-my-trash set. But those people are idiots. I’m more concerned with raw computer power and technological heft.

The following quotes represent the top-o-the-line computer for each manufacturer. Each computer was configured with the maximum memory, disk storage, video options, and so on. No software other than the operating system was included in the purchase price. (Remember, software is extra.)

Gateway. They may be known as the king of Best Buy, but you an pay $3,500 for Gateway’s high end model, the FX541XT. That may seem pricey, but you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Alienware. Here’s a game machine for you: All the latest things any fanboy would drool over! A fully configured Area-51 ALX Extreme priced out at only $9,702. It’s hard to beat that. Well, maybe not.

Dell. I was able to configure a Dell XPS 730 H2C gaming computer to price out at $9,842. That’s a wee bit more than the Alienware ALX, but honestly I think that the Alienware system looks better on paper. But looking good isn’t the object here; it’s price!

Apple. The kind of the Mac heap is the Mac Pro. Yes, secretly I lust after this machine. Configured with all the memory, processor power, disk storage, and dual monitors powered by dual display adapters, the sucker weighs in at $23,197. Da winner!

The Mac Pro had more options available to it than the other computers I configured. For example, it has RAID drives and a curiously powerful video adapter: an NVIDIE Quadro FX 5600 that’s priced as a $2,850 upgrade from the standard Mac video adapter. Plus the two 30″ LCD monitors added another $3,600 to the machine’s configuration price.

Yes, I’m really doing nothing here to dispel the (so-called) myth that Apple computers are over-priced. Then again, as the Mac fanboys like to argue, you get a lot more technology for your buck with a Macintosh than you do a PC. For example, one of the reasons the Mac Pro can cost so much is that it supports options just not found on a typical PC (such as 32GB of RAM).

Remember, I’m not out to say these computers are over-priced. They’re not. Bargains still abound in the computer arena, and you can get a lot of bang for less bucks than I’ve listed here.

I suppose I keep the tape recorder as a reminder of those early days and the CLOAD command I once used to read a computer file stored on a cassette tape. Man that was agonizing.

I called my first computer Tom. He had only 16KB of memory. That’s kilobytes. It wasn’t the low-end computer; that model had 4KB of memory. Yes, that’s 4 kilobytes of RAM for the entire computer. 4,096 bytes.

You can see Tom on this web page elsewhere in Wambooli.

A disk drive for my Model III costs $800. That was $400 for the disk drive itself, a full-height 5 1/4-inch floppy drive that ate 180KB diskettes, plus another $400 for a 16KB RAM upgrade, bringing the machine’s total to 32KB of RAM.

Now that was a smokin’ hot machine!

Eventually Tom was upgraded with two disk drives, a serial port, plus an amber monitor. The machine came with a built-in black-and-white television CRT, which was murder on the eyes, so a better monitor was a worthy investment. I installed it myself, even — which I’ll never do again. Damn, that was scary!

I also splurged for the final 16KB upgrade, so Tom wound up with the full 48KB of RAM. (Yeah, “full.”) All-in-all, I spent about $3,500 on the system.

The computer was purchased for use as a word processor. But because I couldn’t buy the whole thing at once, I spent my time learning about what the computer could do. I even recall telling the salesguy at Radio Shack that I didn’t need to buy any software because I would be writing all my own. And I did. Man, those were the days.

The computer biz has changed radically in 25 years. Inflation-adjusted, the $1048 I spent on the TRS-80 Model III would amount to about $2,300 today (inflation-adjusted calculator here). That would buy a nice laptop or power gaming desktop. But it’s important to remember that high-end technology still has a price.

To put it another way, that $1119 investment paid out quite well.

Do you remember your first computer?

No, the way people think about computers is that you open a file to edit it. That works in all situations. It’s a paradigm. But the paradigm falls to crap when you try to edit a template file in Word.

Word stores its template files in a folder buried within the complexities of the PC’s hard drive. Unlike other personal files, templates are not easily found in your personal area, the “Home” folder, if you’re using the Unix parlance. (It’s called your User Profile in Windows.)

Long ago, the locations for the template files varied, depending on which version of Windows you were using as well as which version of Word was installed. Listing the locations for the files was a nightmare. Today things are stabilizing. Most folks have Windows XP and are using wither Word 2002/2003 or Word 2007. A few folks have Windows Vista and Word 2007. That narrows the possibilities.

I’ve devised a shortcut for Word 2002/2003/2007 and Windows XP/Vista. To edit one of your Word templates, follow these steps:

1. Start Word, if you haven’t already.
2. Press Ctrl+O to summon the Open dialog box.
3. Open your account home folder, that’s the folder with your account name. On my computer it’s Dan. In Windows XP, it’s the folder just “above” the My Documents folder. In Windows Vista, it’s the folder just about the Documents folder. The folder has the same name as your account.
4. In Windows XP type Application Data into the filename box. In Windows Vista, type in AppData. These are folders normally hidden from view, but you can type them into the file name box because Windows is designed to find even hidden folders when you type in their exact names.
5. Click the Open button to open the Application Data or AppData folder. Because only that folder is hidden, its subfolders appear in the Open dialog box. You’re now safely on your way to finding the templates folder.
6. In Windows Vista only, open the Roaming folder.
7. Open the Microsoft folder.
8. Open the Templates folder.

And there are your template files for Microsoft Word. Any template file you created should be listed there. If not, ensure that you have chosen All Word Documents or Word Documents or All Word Templates or Word Templates from the Files of Type drop-down list in the Open dialog box.

Remember: You’re opening a template file directly. That means that Word does not stat a new document and all the changes you make will be saved to the template file, not a new document.

That old Sony still works. It never failed. But televisions weren’t always that way. Once upon a time there was something called the television repairman.

Early TVs often went on the fritz. Unlike today’s television sets, early TV was analog through and through. Vacuum tubes powered the set, and they didn’t last forever. When a vacuum tube went, television went as well.

You could try to fix your TV yourself, but the manufacturers made them sufficiently scary that no one dared. You could be killed! So you’d watch a TV with no sound, or a rolling picture or in all green . . . until the TV repairman showed up.

The TV repairman was second only the pizza guy as the most popular non-relative to visit the house. He’d scootch the TV from its altar, unscrew the back, then dig in. A small mirror in front of the set allowed him to look at the picture as he worked his magic. A few minutes later and the TV Repairman was closing up.

Yeah!

Us kids would get as close to the set as we could, rejoining Gilligan and the Bradys like we hadn’t seen them in decades. The TV repairman would speak techno and explain the problem. Mom happily wrote him a check. And that TV picture? Well, it looked better than ever!

It’s an era that’s past, but not forgotten. Not really missed either.

It’s not the hardware value that’s the point. It’s the value of the information stored on the computer hard drive. You probably don’t find many crackheads at the airport, eager to pawn a $2,000 laptop for a $50 quick high. But you do find opportunists who would enjoy finding corporate, personal, or credit card information in a random laptop.

From the article:

Sixty-five percent of the business travelers admit that they do not take steps to protect the confidential information contained on their laptops when traveling on business and another Forty-two percent say they don’t back up their data before going on a trip.

From my book, Laptops For Dummies, be mindful of your laptop! Here are some quick tips:

• Never leave your laptop un-attended! Consider your laptop like your purse or wallet, full of cash. Don’t leave it on the table when you go to get condiments for lunch. Don’t leave it while you go to the restroom. Keep an eye on it while you’re on the phone.
• Be especially mindful of your laptop at the security check point. Sure, it’s hectic. There are too many things to pay attention to: the officials, your shoes, your jacket, your carry-on, your ticket, and so on. Don’t be rushed and don’t get distracted.
• Be focused. Thieves often work in pairs. If there is a commotion in front of you, the thief might be behind you.
• Use a password on your account. If you have Windows Vista Business or Ultimate, consider using Bitlocker (if you can figure it out).
• Backup your laptop’s hard drive before you do on vacation.
• If you laptop is stolen or missing, immediately change all your Internet passwords and notify credit card companies.

For more good laptop information and tips, please get my book Laptops For Dummies.

Well, some say that the world will end. In his book, Earth, scientist and writer David Brin predicted that mankind would produce a new energy source using black holes for power. Upon creating the first one, however, the black hole slipped out of the lab and began orbiting the Earth’s core. Nasty stuff. Could that happen when they turn on the Hadron Collider?

Well, obviously if you’re reading this and your weight isn’t fluctuating by several hundred pounds every few seconds, then mankind did not create a black hole.

But what about other nasty stuff?

There have been articles written postulating that various terrible things can happen when mankind starts to hammer the Creator’s pocket watch. Scientists reassure us that the Hadron Collider will not be making any particles not already made in our universe. (Which, I suppose, means that the thing is purely “organic.”) But keep in mind these are the same Scientists whose gainful employment, not to mention insatiable curiosity, is being fueled by the Hadron Collider.

My guess is that the world won’t blow up or that Death Beams™ will shoot out of Switzerland and decapitate Italy. But I can also promise you this: any new discoveries made by using the Hadron Collider will no doubt raise more questions than find answers.

Update 7/8. Scientists didn’t fire the Large Hadron Collider as planned. That’s why you survived. They delayed the initial firing for 30 days. You have a month reprieve.

My Lenovo laptops? Obviously they’re made in China. It says so, once on the laptop case and again on the laptop’s battery.

Yes, you counter, but Lenovo is now a Chinese company. Didn’t IBM sell it to the Chinese?

Yes, they did. But my old IBM Thinkpad, which has the letters IBM right on the case, says that it too was made in China. It says it once in English and again in Chinese, just in case.

中国制造

The MacBook Air? It’s assembled in China, but the box says that it’s Designed (of course) by Apple in California. Well, that’s cool. I mean, we can design stuff here and make the Asians assemble it. Thank God for boats.

I’ve no issues with employing Asians to build technological stuff. I understand that it’s nothing new; PC clones from the 1980s were all made in Taiwan or made using components fabricated in Asia. But up until just recently, Apple once made its own computers right there in Fremont, California. They could do it again just as easily, but not as cheaply. Sometimes true independence comes at a price.

Right now I just checked, and so far today I’ve received 21 e-mails and not one of them was spam. That’s pretty good!

Every so often, spam reminds me that it’s out there: The occasional pharmaceutical ad comes in. (Why for the life of me anyone would be prescription drugs from someone who can’t even spell Viagra is beyond me!) I still get porn spam, though my e-mail program proudly suppresses the pictures. There are also those mystery spam messages that I just can’t quite make out: gibberish that looks like English that isn’t. (I’m not referring to the Russian spam I get, which is plentiful, but at least it’s Russian and not random words that look like English.)

What am I doing differently today? Nothing. I believe all the spam is being filtered by my ISP. I believe that the so-called “black hole” lists are working. The millions, upon millions of spam messages sent every day are just not making it to our inboxes like they once did.

No, I’m not creating Message Rules. I have only one Message Rule, in fact: There is this “family” web site that send me e-mail but requires that I log in to unsubscribe. I refuses to send me my long-forgotten password, so I believe it’s s scam. (Legitimate e-mail lists let you unsubscribe simply by supplying your e-mail address, not by logging in.) So I created a Message Rule that instantly deletes all those messages. But beyond that, I’m living a rather spam-free e-mail life these days.

How about you?