Identify theft isn’t really a new thing. The hyperactive alarmists on the television like to tell you about identify theft as if it’s going to happen to you any time you even look at a computer. Not true.

Most identify theft was once just called “stealing a credit card.” A thief without a brain robs banks. A thief with a brain robs information. If a Bad Guy stole someone’s purse in 1978, they could use the social security number to set up a fake idea just as easily as a hacker Bad Guy can do so in 2008. It’s the same crime.

Years ago a form of identity theft happened to me.

I was working as the editor of a hometown computer magazine. Once day a woman phoned me up at the office and immediately started talking with me. It was that type of familiar dialog that friends do. That confused me, so I asked her where we had met.

“At a party,” she answered.

I had been to a party that weekend, celebrating a friend’s birthday. There were lots of people there I didn’t know. So I figured she was one of them. Then she told me that it was a birthday boy and not a birthday girl.

“I don’t think I was at that party,” I explained. “Are you sure you don’t have me confused with someone else?”

She said no. She knew me. I had given her my business card.

I often gave out my business card, not only to promote the magazine but because I spoke in public frequently. I was a D-list celebrity in town! But the woman became more and more agitated as I was unable to confirm anything that she said.

“Dan. Stop playing games with me. You know what you told me,” she said stiffly.

I don’t play games with anyone. I don’t like games. Once a girl phoned me up and said, “Hello. Guess who this is?” I replied, “I don’t know. You called me. Who are you?” She then giggled and said, “No, guess.” So I said, “I guess it’s the wrong number,” and I hung up.

Eventually the woman on the phone grew highly agitated. So I told her what most likely happened was that some jerk gave her my business card and claimed to be me. She denied that could ever possibly happen. Still, I told her that wasn’t my fault, but I was sorry that someone else had abused both of us. Then she grew verbally abusive, so I hung up.

Just in case she would phone back, I explained the call to the magazine’s publisher. He reasoned that my guess was probably correct, and he assured me that if she called back he would support my side of the story. (She never called back.)

Sure, no one bought a widescreen TV using my credit card, nor did they apply for a boat loan using my social security number. The situation did, however, give me a small taste of what identity theft must be like.